Autism Series, Part #1

I wrote the below six months ago and published it elsewhere. I am reposting it now because in the next couple of days I'd like to focus on Autism and it's effects and the up and down roller coaster that is life. Plus, I'd like you to see the difference six months makes in someone's outlook.


So, this morning I posted a link to an article on the Autism Speaks website. And to give you a very basic background most folks involved in autism are divided into 2 camps: those that believe vaccines contribute to autism and those that do not. Depending on what research you listen to you can find very valid arguments for both. I am the mother of an autistic child, not a scientific researcher, so I have a very real, and very emotional investment in all of this.



I am writing this note because after I posted the link I got 2 texts and an email telling me why I should present arguments for the other side. Sadly, I am not really interested in presenting an unbiased view. And the reason is that the folks that sent me these messages do not have autistic children.



I will now tell you why my life with autism is very, VERY different from life without autism.



My son is 8. In some ways he is very typical. He loves football, baseball, Japanese anime cartoons and swimming. His favorite color is blue. His favorite food is Wendy’s. He is extremely affectionate and curious. He is self sufficient; he would rather do something himself that ask for help. He is also aggressive, anxious, unfocused and NON VERBAL.



None of these things mean that he is retarded or unintelligent. Do not underestimate him; the way his mind works is astounding. In some ways he is like a 4 year old; in others like a teenager.

He is learning to read even though he doesn’t speak and I am ETERNALLY INDEBTED to his teachers, therapists, counselors, etc. because without them I would be lost. Every bit of patience and kindness is appreciated.

That is the present and things are moving forward; I’m “content” at best. The issue is what will happen to my child as an adult. As a non verbal autistic will he be able to hold a job? Earn enough to support himself? Have medical insurance? Will he be able to live independently? Should I give up because this is hard and relegate him to a life in a group home (if, financially, that will even be an option)? Will he have his own family? Will he live with me until I am too old to care for him? Will I be doing him a disservice by even encouraging that idea? And what happens after I am gone? Who will ensure that he is OK? Who will take care of him financially and physically? He has no siblings so who will accept that task after I am gone? And even if he had siblings would it be proper to ask them to accept that burden after a lifetime of getting less attention from your parents because you WEREN’T disabled?



These questions (and so many more) are the things that go through my mind on a DAILY basis. All I’m asking is that after reading this you at least EXAMINE the risk of stacking multiple vaccines.



Now, having read this do not do any of the following:

1. Do not hug me or emotionally try to “comfort me”. The universe / God / whatever higher power you believe in gave me this task for a reason.

2. Do not feel bad for me / pity me. See above.

3. Do not dump me full of accolades. I know I’m a good mom. I know I’m a strong person.

4. Do not hide the successes of your children from me. You are all my friends and I love you dearly and I am happy for each one of your milestones. Plus, it helps us set a goal. It makes me hungry for what you have and reminds me to not give up.



So, do with this note as you will. Reprint it, repost it, heckle it, ignore it. It’s only one person’s thoughts and if nothing else it draws attention to the cause. And that is the most I could ever ask for.

True confession of the day

In this day and age everyone seems to send out the photo Christmas card. You know the ones. Collages of pictures of the family and the kids. Beautiful shots featuring coordinated outfits and smiles.

Here's what I do with those: I THROW THEM AWAY.

Obviously, I wait until after the holidays. But the thing is, I feel bad about it. REALLY bad. And I don't know why.

Am I supposed to keep them? I only have so much room on my fridge and honestly, between Mr. Little Man's artwork and my Wesley Wyndham-Price shrine, nothing else fits.

What do you guys do?

The New Catchphrase

By now everyone knows about Calvin Tran, right?



Oh Here Go Hell Come is the new catchphrase. Clearly.

All the cool kids are saying it.

TFB

When I was a child and my mother's friends would visit it was always a serious affair. There would be coffee and discussions about men and family and work and their woes. It's what I would expect from adult get-togethers. SERIOUSNESS. There might have been an occasional giggle, but nothing like when me and mine get together.

When me and my girlfriends get together it looks like this:



We all went to high school together in Germany and over time and distance we all drifted apart. Until Facebook. Facebook is both a blessing and a curse, however, it has brought a lot of good people back into my life. And, more importantly, it's kept them there. And occasionally we do all manage to get together. We've made efforts despite distance and time.

And for some reason we always revert back to the time when we were closest: our teenage years. We're a tight bunch. We like to laugh. And even when we're discussing serious subjects things never get SERIOUS. And sometimes we do things that 35 year olds shouldn't do. But, again, we revert back to being teenagers. We become judgmental. And we make fun of people.

It should be mentioned that we aren't proud of this. It's the kind of thing that would embarrass your mother if she knew. And Lord knows if we caught any of our children doing that there would likely be a hefty punishment.

Let me set the scene for you: Lovely day. We're all basking in the glow of our togetherness and we decide to take the subway downtown for some sightseeing, when we see HIM. The man on the subway in a pink tank top, gold hot pants and yellow hiking boots. Our friends at home are not gonna believe this. We are gonna need some photographic evidence.

And because we are the cleverest people around we decide to pose for pictures in front of the fashion victim. Our idea is, of course, to post said pictures on Facebook so all our friends can enjoy along with us. And we're tickled pink with this idea, because we're teenagers, and it's FUNNY.

Until.....

We catch someone doing the same thing to us. A lesson in humility. As my Asian friend PJ advised, "The Taiwanese man over there is taking pictures of the stupid American girls to post on Taiwanese Facebook when he gets back home".

So now you know, TFB is Taiwanese Facebook. Because the folks at home are never gonna believe this.


What I'm listening to:
Air - Run
Snow Patrol - Run
Jenny Lewis - Run Devil Run
Eric Clapton - Running on Faith
I sense a theme

I'm Back, Baby!

I took a long blogging hiatus, but lately I've been feeling the itch again. I've all but abandoned my first blog and decided to give it a fresh start.

Let's see if we can make magic happen again.